the problem with ‘nice’ girls ( + why you don’t want to be one)
When one is pretending, the entire body revolts. — Anais Nin
Nice is not the same as kind. Kindness is freely given.
‘Nice’ is when you think you have no choice, otherwise you’ll be unloved/cast out/confronted/selfish.
A woman can be strong, or she can be nice.
(Oprah Winfrey isn’t nice.)
Being ‘nice’ makes you feel wrong inside. Dishonest. Diminished.
‘Nice’ is the fog that keeps you from knowing what you really feel + who you really are.
‘Nice’ is emotionally, physically and sexually abused.
‘Nice’ puts the other’s needs ahead of her own, always + forever.
‘Nice’ isn’t even sure she has a right to put her own needs first.
‘Nice’ is not about morals. ‘Nice’ is about a lack of boundaries.
‘Nice’ is more concerned with what others think of her than what she thinks of herself.
‘Nice’ would rather give people the benefit of the doubt than trust her own perceptions.
‘Nice’ does what she is told, because it’s usually easier that way.
‘Nice’ is passive.
‘Nice’ is manipulated and controlled.
‘Nice’ says one thing and then turns around and says something else, because she wants to please all of the people all of the time.
‘Nice’ pretends to like you when she doesn’t. She pretends to want to be here when she would rather be somewhere else.
‘Nice’ believes she’s on the high road.
‘Nice’ doesn’t take enough care with herself, her feelings, or her safety.
‘Nice’ does not get respect. She gets taken for granted.
‘Nice’ often learns she has to be ‘nice’ to get a man, except the kind of man that she gets is usually not worth it.
‘Nice’ is afraid of her own anger. So she represses it.
‘Nice’ is so determined to look at both sides of a situation that she loses her sense of the truth.
‘Nice’ needs to learn that sometimes it’s good to be ‘bad’. Otherwise you might pull people into your life to act out that badness for you — and against you.
With thanks to THE NICE GIRL SYNDROME by Beverly Engel