the art of being original ( + the best thing you’ve got going)

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“There’s an African proverb: ‘When death finds you, may it find you alive.’ Alive means living your own damn life, not the life that your parents wanted, or the life some cultural group or political party wanted, but the life that your own soul wants to live. That’s the way to evaluate whether you are an authentic person or not.”
Michael Meade

“The best thing you’ve got going for you,” she told me, “is your originality.”

She said, “It’s like there are two sides to you. There’s the perverse, bold, rebellious side. That’s the side that gets pissed off. That’s the side that questions everything.

“And then there’s the conventional side, that wants to hunker down and keep safe, fit in. It gets scared and uneasy about what your other side compels you to do.”

She said, “It won’t be your conventional side that makes you successful.”

She said, “You can’t live a conventional life because you’re no good at it and it doesn’t make you whole.”

It’s like we have two lives inside us: the life we’re supposed to live, and the life of the soul.

We learn to navigate the world around us, the expectations of others, we accommodate and compromise until something happens and it all breaks down. We hit a crisis point.

The life of the soul sends up a flare: hey, I’m dying here, pay attention.

The old strategies don’t work anymore. The compromises you made between the outer life and the inner life start to feel like a deal with the devil.

And we have ourselves an identity crisis.

At the time, it feels like hell. There’s loss involved: something was taken from you. Or maybe you’re forced to let it go. Or maybe it never belonged to you in the first place and you finally have to accept that.

The life of the soul demands these acts of truth.

We talk so much about being authentic; we talk less about what that actually means. Just be yourself, we say – but if it was that easy, we wouldn’t have to say it, and we wouldn’t find authenticity so remarkable that we’re constantly remarking on it.

To be original is to go against everything we learned in childhood. We were punished when we stepped outside the lines, and if our parents didn’t do it, we did it to each other. We beat each other into the right kind of manhood. We shamed each other into proper girlhood.

We learned to be unique and special so long as we’re like everybody else.

That urge to be safe – from the shaming, the beating – is so strong we’ll sell our souls for it. But when we do that, what’s left? Things keep breaking down. Life becomes a series of crisis points. We get expert at ways to numb out.

The only thing we have, in the end, is our originality. We need to honor it.

The rest is a sham.

photo credit: Rubin 110 via photopin cc

Sep 26, 2012
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11 comments · Add Yours

Hell yes.

Hell. Yes.

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At the end of the day, are you still happy with what you see in the mirror? At the person your are right now.

Love the message.

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Struggling with this so hard right now–thanks for the reminder that being quiet and compliant is not who I am.

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Hell yes, indeed. This is easily the biggest struggle in my life. Being “beaten into the right kind of manhood” growing up has buried my soul’s urges under the “safety” of the rubble left behind. It’s taken me well into my thirties to even recognize what my soul actually wants. I always had hints but could never quite see the full picture. Of course, now that I really know, I feel like a big crisis is on the horizon. So much of what I currently have in life does not match what my soul demands. So I compromise and work on feeding my soul a little more each day while hanging on to my current life. But I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll have to let go of a lot of stuff that other people would say are indications of a good life. The internal and external conflict this creates is exhausting.

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fantastic post, a message that always feeds my soul and speaks to me on so many levels. Thank you for this!

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I love that I get to wake up this morning and read this- I am SO THERE !!

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Yeah yeah YEAH. I love all the words you ever write. Ever. Thank you for writing them.

My soul burns a hole in my pocket every day.

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Apart from the survival thing (your “nice girl” post was excellent, btw)…
Being authentic requires a person to be alone, self approved.
Mixing that with society gives one a very good challenge.
Maybe it is a survival thing after all…

I like your straight-forward no bull talk. That society does -not everybody in it, not always I hope- shame you like crazy if you dare to try. But telling like it is as you do somehow makes it easier to choose a battle worth fighting. And duck under same old bullets and save some emotional energy.

Thank you for all the work you put into your lovingly badass blog.

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I love this, its so simple but so damn hard. I guess the guide rule is that success always lies outside your comfort zone!

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This is the type of post that you feel more so than read. Loved it. Thank you.

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Well said. Good advice for writers with blogs… we need to stop giving people advice about writing (because there’s plenty of it out there), and start giving people what they can only find on our blog: US!

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