text talk: how to overcome that need for approval ( + find your swagger)
She texted me out of the blue and got straight to the point:
How do I become more assertive among people with very strong personalities? I want to be a leader but I’m such a people pleaser it gets in my way.
It’s really bad, my need for approval from others.
Sometimes I will even say I agree with something when I don’t just so the other person will approve of me. It is weak. I don’t want to be that person.
My colleagues are competitive.
I texted back:
As is the world.
Very true. Not used to it in this part of the profession. I have a colleague who is always trying to one up me. It’s so weird to me.
You probably went from an environment where people are just trying to emotionally survive – and not burn out – to one where they are trying to get ahead.
Would you rather be liked or respected?
Can’t you be both?
Do you respect yourself when you do or say something to get somebody’s approval? How does it feel?
No I don’t.
When you try to get approval from the outside world, so you can put it inside you to fill that void, that hurting place, you give your power away.
That is why it is dangerous.
It’s 630 am here, by the way! I am getting happily caffeinated. The new dog is snoring a bit.
That is true. I need to start thinking about this. The new dog sounds adorable.
Get out of your head and into your gut.
Start doing what your gut tells you to do. That is a powerful nonverbal form of intelligence constantly absorbing and processing information.
It’s hard for
When we try to please others, we disconnect from our gut, that powerful internal guidance system.
And we get lost.
Me to disagree with others
And depression follows right?
Yeah, and other people take advantage of us.
Think of Oprah! She is loved and respected but she is also tough and stands her ground.
You don’t have to go to war with people. You have empathy sensitivity and tact. Those are your superpowers. You can learn to disagree in ways that don’t seem so confrontational…you are guiding people in a different direction
But you also need to assert boundaries and stand your ground
Or you will get eaten alive
Don’t think of it as disagreeing…think of it as serving the higher purpose of what you believe in.
What do you believe in? What do you stand for?
Ask yourself, what would Oprah do? See things through your Oprah glasses to shift your perspective a bit. And then follow that.
Thanks for the text talk.
I am looking forward to my 40s.
I am still adjusting to being 40!
It is funny, because as a single person I have more baggage than ever…but I also feel the most powerful, confident, sexiest I’ve ever been. I got my swagger back. Which is good, because I will need it!
But it surprises me a bit
Why does it surprise you?
Because 40 is not supposed to be a swaggering age for women
But I say fuck that. ☺
Yeah. Fuck that. Enjoy and swag!
You sound really good. Healthy, happy.
Yoga and meditation have been great for me.
What should I blog about today?
I love yoga
Blog about what we just texted about. Blog for me.
I found this writer named Stephen Cope, I love. He writes about yoga. Check him out.
Can I use your texts in my post? I will keep u anonymous of course.
Yes! Of course!!
Love you back.