September, 2013

mea culpa

In a recent post titled the so-called lies of lifestyle design (+ the secret truth about tim ferriss), I included a quote from another blogger that used the word ‘tranny’.

I would like to do now what I failed to do then, which is to say —

This is an ignorant and unacceptable way to refer to transgender people.

And I apologize.

Sep 22, 2013 · 1 Comment / ADD YOURS

how to be the last girl standing ( + the other meaning of virginity)


Maybe you’re familiar with the idea of The Final Girl.

She’s a recurring character in those slasher films that were so popular before 1990 (and the rise of torture porn).

She’s that girl who watches all her friends get killed, one by one by one, by a maniac in a hockey mask or a scarred boogeyman who reaches out for them in dreams made fatally real.

She’s that girl who fights the monster at the end – and gets away – or kills him dead (at least temporarily, before he rises again for the sequel).

(And then the sequel to the sequel.)

She’s that last girl standing.

The Final Girl is a virgin. Her friends – the ones who get slaughtered – are not. They drink, they have sex, click here

Sep 20, 2013 · 7 Comments / ADD YOURS

this much i know: life lessons for a 41st birthday

So I had a birthday. I turned 41.

You know those lists of lessons some bloggers will do to commemorate such an occasion? I thought I’d take a crack at it. I give you tidbits I have gleaned from my time on this planet. I’m not saying they are particularly original, pithy or wise. But hey. They’re what I know. click here

Sep 14, 2013 · 24 Comments / ADD YOURS

is it scarcity complex, or a call to adventure?

If you tell someone with a bent toward the spiritual and/or self-help that you feel a sense of lack in your life, she might look at you with a faint hint of disapproval. She might tell you that what you put your attention on, grows, and we become what we think about most.

So don’t focus on the lack, she might say. Focus on abundance. Focus on enough. You have everything you need. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. This moment is perfect. You are perfect.

What if that lack isn’t the symptom of a scarcity complex, but something else?

What if it’s your hero’s call to adventure?

What if it’s your way into a richer, deeper, more meaningful life?

According to mythologist Joseph Campbell and depth psychologist Jean Houston, inside all of us is a longing for more. This isn’t the voice of the void but the cry of your soul, driving you toward wholeness and self-actualization. click here

Sep 8, 2013 · 8 Comments / ADD YOURS

would you choose to be powerful or warm? ( + the secret of compelling people)


I posed the question to my Facebook peeps: would you rather be known for your power or your warmth?

It was inspired by the book COMPELLING PEOPLE by John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut.

They explain that when we first meet someone, we instinctively and intuitively decide whether they can help us or if they might hurt us.

We pick up on subtle cues, hints and signals about whether someone is strong (ie: can make stuff happen, has power and impact) or warm (shares our feelings, interests and worldview).

Usually there’s a trade-off between the two. The more powerful we perceive a person to be, the less warm; the more warm we perceive a person to be, the less powerful. There’s a biological basis for this. The key chemical agent of strength, of dominance and risk-taking, is testosterone. Testosterone acts to inhibit oxytocin, which expresses warmth and empathy. So the more you have of the one, the less you’re likely to have of the other. They are battling each other in your blood.

The ability to exude both strength and warmth – according to the authors – is so rare that the Greeks referred to it as “the divine gift”, also known as charisma. (We might call it “leadership potential”, “cool”, “the X factor”, or the magical “it”.) click here

Sep 5, 2013 · 12 Comments / ADD YOURS
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