February, 2014

because we are what we make

because we are what we make

because the world is your studio

because there is joy when you master the tough stuff

because failure teaches you
what you didn’t know you needed to know

(+ mistakes are an art)

because you have the right to reinvent yourself
+ pain is just a sign your soul is changing

because you live in that squeeze-space of creative tension
+ it’s groovy

because you press the collective soul-nerve

because the universe is infinite

— but we are not.

Feb 28, 2014 · 4 Comments / ADD YOURS

darling, just freaking do it

There’s that thing you want to do. You know the one. Maybe it’s a course you want to take (or make and sell online), a skill you want to learn, a place you want to go, a person you want to ask to dinner.

It’s the blog you haven’t started yet.

It’s the half-finished manuscript on your hard drive that you haven’t touched in six months.

It’s the saxophone that you almost – almost – learned to play.

It’s the martial arts studio or dance studio or yoga studio you always pass on the way home and never quite manage to check out – even though you’re curious.

You get where I’m going with this.

We talk ourselves out of the stuff that we really, really want to do.

We think we’re being sensible. We have our reasons. No time/ no money/ no talent/ no obvious pay-off in my career or my love life. Don’t want the commitment, the obligation, the responsibility. Don’t want the humiliation of being really sucky at something I’ve never done before. Don’t want the tedium of being a beginner. We’re afraid of failure. We’re afraid of success. We had some traumatic saxophone/yoga/writing/puppet-making incident in early childhood. Somebody told us — when we were too young to recognize how wrong they were, how full of absolute bullshit — that we are not creative. click here

Feb 24, 2014 · 20 Comments / ADD YOURS

the essence of what makes you unique

No one in the world was ever you before, with your particular gifts and abilities and possibilities. — Joseph Campbell

In the movie FIGHT CLUB – maybe you’ve heard of it – a character tells his disciples, in a tone of righteous fury, “You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake! You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all a part of the same compost pile.”

He got that half-right.

Perhaps it’s a symptom of a narcissistic culture that we seem to equate unique with “be the same as everybody else, just in a better, superior, award-winning kind of way.” When this kind of conformity/competition becomes our main focus, we, perhaps ironically, tend to end up feeling more alone.

We say to each other, If everybody is special, nobody is special! If everybody gets a trophy, nobody gets a trophy!

Not to knock competition – it has its place – but maybe we’re missing the point.

We are lousy at separating essence from ego. We ignore the former. We stroke the latter.

“Among the things I’ve noticed in working with people through the years is that a majority of them never really take the time to discover what is unique about themselves,”

writes author/speaker/teacher Caroline Myss. click here

Feb 23, 2014 · 2 Comments / ADD YOURS

the art of redefining success ( + why we need to)

Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance,
and there is only the dance.

— T.S. Eliot

When I was a teenager I thought about getting a yin-yang tattoo. You know, the kind that looks like this:


(Twenty years on, and I’m still thinking about a tattoo, although maybe an infinity symbol on the inside of my wrist.)

I knew in a vague kind of way that the symbol stood for opposites: the masculine and the feminine, the dark and the light, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader, that kind of thing. One side defining the other, balance, “you complete me” and let’s burn some incense while we’re at it.

I began to understand how it’s more complicated than that.

We live in a culture that has its own warped version of opposites: the private sphere versus the public. The former is domestic and feminine, the latter is worldly and masculine.

But unlike night and day, this division is manmade (in the true sense of the word). Although it reaches as far back as the ancient Greeks, separate spheres didn’t emerge as a distinct ideology in our culture until the Industrial Revolution moved the official workplace from in and around the home to the factories.

Women stayed put and men went off into the world. Both genders worked, but only one was paid. click here

Feb 21, 2014 · 9 Comments / ADD YOURS

how to transform suffering to strength

The wound is the place where the light enters you. — Rumi

I saw Arianna Huffington give a talk in San Francisco last weekend. She spoke about the day she found herself lying on her office floor in a pool of her own blood (she had collapsed from overwork and hit her face on her desk). She described this incident as more than a wake-up call; it was an “entry point into the journey”.

Maybe you know the journey she’s talking about.

I’ve had some entry points of my own, most notably the death of my infant son and the car accident mentioned in my TEDx talk.

An entry point changes everything.

A hero’s journey compels you out into the world. A heroine’s journey (which men can take as well as women) sends you inward and down to face a difficult truth of your soul.

You’ve been wounded, disrupted, pushed to the edge: your old life isn’t working anymore.

So you’re forced to go deep – because where else can you go? — and integrate some as-yet-unclaimed element of yourself, that allows you to rise again and live in a new way, in a new psychological skin.

There’s a word for this: resilience. click here

Feb 18, 2014 · 16 Comments / ADD YOURS

the art of older ( + how to become a “free radical”)

The older I get, the greater power I seem to have to help the world. I am like a snowball — the further I am rolled, the more I gain. —SUSAN B. ANTHONY


Not long after I turned 40, a female photographer I trusted and respected (Christa Meola) took some photos of me with a snake. I was wearing fringed high-heeled booties, black leather pants, some false eyelashes, and nothing else.

After Susannah Conway invited a group of us to blog about the positive side of growing older, I found myself thinking of those pictures, the Western mythology they evoke.

Eve was a woman after experience and knowledge, and I could relate to that.

Eve had a rebellious streak, and I could relate to that too.

As I get older I feel my growing sense of space and authority, my determination to live — and love — on my own terms (thank you much). I think it’s this way for a lot of women. Former Ms magazine editor Suzanne Braun Levine refers to the “fuck you 50s”; I would suggest they start earlier than that.

In her book INVENTING THE REST OF OUR LIVES, Levine writes:

“The dynamic that many women are reporting – new outlook, new confidence, new dreams – is supported by scientific research from many disciplines. What we are learning about our bodies tells us that nature has by no means abandoned us at this stage…we are not programmed to fade away. On the contrary, we might be as well or better suited to new challenges at this stage of life than before.

The brain is “generating in ways that are supportive of big achievements after midlife”. In the part of the brain “responsible for making judgments, finding new solutions to old problems, and managing emotions – not sweating the small stuff – there is a great leap forward.”

Maybe, when Eve ate the apple, she had just leaped forward herself. click here

Feb 10, 2014 · 60 Comments / ADD YOURS

how to heal the feminine wound

I told a good friend of mine that I was kicking around the idea of a creatrix.

“A what?” she said.


“Like a dominatrix?”

“Yes,” I said, and nodded sagely. “Except totally different.”

My idea of a creatrix was this: a woman who maintains strong relationships with others while cultivating her natural gifts and pursuing mastery, for however long it takes her. She actively uses her gifts in service of herself, her loved ones, and the world. She is grounded, sensual, and comfortable in her body. She recognizes her birthright to pleasure and play. She believes in interdependence and interbeing: she is her own person while knowing that we are at least partly defined by our relationships. She may or may not have kids. Chances are she tried the conventional thing, or came close – the wedding, the ‘safe’ job or career, the house in the suburbs – and it didn’t work out. So now she lives in the country/on the beach/in a loft downtown/ in Thailand.

She is not afraid of power: standing up to it, speaking truth to it, or using it to advance her own agenda.

She is not afraid to have an agenda. click here

Feb 2, 2014 · 15 Comments / ADD YOURS
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